Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
