I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
