So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
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