He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
