Joe is yelling at the trees again.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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