thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
