I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
