Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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