C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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