I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize