I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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