I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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