So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
