It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
