Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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