i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize