wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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