OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
