I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
