i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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