we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
try to milk me bitch
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