never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
