And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
