What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
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