Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
