I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
