but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
