The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
