If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
