The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
There was a lot of him and a little penis
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
