do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
lets start a swedish sibling band together
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
