I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
