If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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