where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
