Got a toothbrush?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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