Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Randomize
