i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
