I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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