I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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