He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
