My brain says no but my pants say off.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
