just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
