Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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