I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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