I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
