She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
