there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
