I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Randomize