I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
