I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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