Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
