My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
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