I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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