Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
