You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
