I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
