I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
My vagina just recognized that song.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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