What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
