Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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