dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
