My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
