There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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