Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
