Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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