I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
