I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
