The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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