Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
