So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
