She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
