Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
